It is a Monday here, and it feels like one for me. I have spent the last four months displaced and out of sorts. I am living the boho life, but as a result of a situation that came about. Is it how I expected? NO, but that's what happens when expectations come into play, they always scramble the true reality of what is. Read these words above I do everyday, and they all fit me to a tee. I find myself once again being free, like being single by myself at the age of 51. Free spirit is the one that speaks to me the loudest today. I am free of the bondage and uncertainty of what I was living with day to day, I am free to speak my mind for the most part, some of it I hold back to due legal or threatening harassment. I am free to know that being abused is over. I am free to go and be and do as I like right???
The answer to this last question is NO. I say this, because I take the whole word in to account FREE SPIRIT well my spirit is hardly free, my spirit has been broken both by me and another person. My mind is not free it is trapped in what was? what happened? and where did it all go wrong? Playing out each scenario of all the hurt and pain and betrayal it soaks this up and boy does it talk some shit. My heart is aching as being used and abused is not my definition of FREE or SPIRIT let alone the two words in conjunction with one. I began yesterday with meditations that affirm my value and worth because you see as a human being in a human existence I must walk through this world in this meat suit. I cried and then quickly wiped away the tears like it was a dirty thing I did? And there is the mind rearing it's oh so valuable advice. (Ego taking control I suppose)
As I glance at the poster above, the other words that are all around they all somehow come back to that one word. (e.g. 10 commandments when really there is only one..DO NO HARM) I realize now that most of it is born from soul, a divine purpose made long before I entered this world, perhaps asked for or merely given to. It is always found because it is in the energy that is me, but the other side is always true to, as I the human continues this journey, twisting and turning, poking, and prodding, beginning and ending, expecting and attaching, climbing up and falling down I realize my Free Spirit is easily lost amongst this place and time. I reach to divine to grasp my human ego and tenderly stroke quiet and calm. I look forward to the day when this is just a passing memory, and I can tell the story without pain and sorrow or a tear falling. I will go forth and when it is time to tell the tale I will tell out of love and truly a FREE SPIRIT....
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